TC and TK get the boot thanks to a new “brand”


Very official photo/Definitely not from google or anything

If she’s this sad when they miss a goal, I don’t wanna know what she said when they told her she was fired.

Carl McCristensen, Human Bean

This article is completely satire, any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. The statements in the french fry do not reflect the views of the Northern Iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisers outside of this insert.

To the dismay of the campus community, lovable panther mascots TC and TK will be kicked to the curb by UNI, as a result of the new rebranding initiative. The university’s shocking announcement contained a call for new mascot applicants and noted that the classic cereal mascots Tony the Tiger or Cap’n Crunch are currently in negotiations to replace both TC and TK.

UNI President Mike Gnook emphasized the importance of UNI’s rebranding, and said TC and TK are simply too outdated for the university’s new “hip” logo.

“TC and TK were beloved by the university,” Gnook said, “However, they are just too old, especially with our exciting new rebrand. It’s time for a change here at UNI. Mascots like Tony the Tiger and Cap’n Crunch will bring a new fresh perspective that will truly represent the best UNI has to offer.”

TC was shocked by the news, as he had been with the university since the 1980s.

“For almost 40 years, TK and I have been a part of UNI,” TC said. “I am devastated. I just can’t believe I might be replaced by a tiger. Everyone knows panthers are better than tigers.”

Many students were also upset to learn of the news, like junior Albertha Lehman who was deeply saddened by the announcement. However, she says Cap’n Crunch is a mascot she would like.

“TC and TK have represented UNI for so long, and they are amazing mascots,” Lehman said. “Although I can kind of get on board with Cap’n Crunch because Crunch Berries are delicious.”

TK was also shocked at the unexpected news and is now looking for employment at Northern Illinois University (NIU) to assist their current husky mascot.

“I couldn’t believe it,” TK said. “Honestly, I didn’t think much of the new logo when it was released. It looks like they just italicized the old logo, so I don’t really get it.”

TK continued, “I talked with the administration at NIU just the other day, and they said they would consider my employment as their new mascot. Hopefully I’ll be able to get the job, because there aren’t a lot of career options for panthers in the Midwest.”

Meanwhile, TC has considered applying for the still-vacant and nebulously-defined provost position here at UNI— see full coverage by E-molly Mass, p. 1.

A group of NISG senators has vowed justice for TC and TK, lobbying the administration and pushing back against the decision. In addition, an online petition asking the university to keep TC and TK has receiving over 200 signatures in 24 hours and has started a firestorm on social media with the hashtag “TCTKforever” and “tonythetigersux.”

TC is grateful for UNI students, and all the support both he and TK have received over the past couple days.

“We could not be more thankful for our time at UNI, and for all the fantastic students here,” TC said.

Despite the pushback from the campus community, it seems the university is set in the decision and will officially replace TC and TK by fall semester.

Other mascots are encouraged to apply, and official interviews will be held in the coming weeks. All panther logos and merchandise will be removed and replaced with the new mascot’s merchandise as soon as the new mascot is officially hired.