Q: I’m new to college and don’t have much experience with dating or “hooking up.” I’m open to meeting new people, but I’m scared to put myself out there. I heard that many men that just get to college are far more interested in just “hooking up” but will say whatever it takes in order for that to happen. How
can I tell if they are really interested in a potential relationship with me or are just looking for a booty call?

A: Anthony Mitchell:

A good metaphor that is commonly used for this situation is fishing. There are tons of fish out there, but you don’t want catch them all, you just want the best one.
Just like fishing, finding someone who wants a true relationship and not just sex takes time, effort and a lot of patience. If you haven’t dated much, the key thing to build is confidence. At this point don’t worry about a straight-on approach, start with smaller things. It could be a friendly smile, opening the door for someone, a little joke, anything to make someone else feel a little better. It may lead to something, it may not, but the key thing is that you’re becoming comfortable with yourself and comfortable with others.

Once you have that little bit of confidence, it’s time to move to the actual dating.
Number one, do not under any circumstances get involved with alcohol that night, or at least enough to impair your judgment.

Drunkenness can leave you waking up on the couch and being hurt in the morning (both physically and emotionally).
Second, dictate conversation topics. Keep them about interests or anything deeper than a puddle. If he keeps trying to change the subject to being hurt in a previous relationship or anything to make him look vulnerable, you need to stay alert. He may be buttering you up for a score.
Also, pay attention to how often he compliments you. The more compliments you’re getting, the more likely he wants sex from you. A guy who is legitimately interested will compliment you once or twice but they’ll be much more sincere and he is more focused on getting to know you.

The biggest thing you can do to avoid a booty call: don’t have sex. More times than not, a guy looking for straight up sex is going to stop trying if he doesn’t get what he wants for a long time. Be open to talk about it and state that you aren’t looking for sex. You’re looking for a real relationship. That statement alone will filter the good guys from the bad.

A: Katie Hunt

First of all, props to you for realizing not every guy out there wants to be in a relationship when he says he does. A mistake people make in relationships all the time is trusting the other too easily before actually getting to know them.
Secondly, I’m glad you asked this question because it’s something that girls are always worrying about, especially being a freshman in college where the temptations are endless.
Even though this is a common problem, there are certain things you can look for when getting involved with a guy in order to detect if you’re just a hookup.

1. He texts you at 2 a.m. asking you to come over to his dorm to “talk”. -He doesn’t want to talk. Most likely, his roommate’s gone and to him this is the time to score. If he didn’t want to meet up with you earlier to talk, why would he in the middle of the night?

2. He won’t hang out with you in groups and he won’t “go out.” If it’s always just you two alone in the dark and he doesn’t want to take the time doing activities, he’s probably just interested in spending time with your body. If he cared about your interests or wanted to show you his, he wouldn’t suggest making out on the couch every Friday night.

3. You and your friends get the same text at the same time. -Say you’re all sitting around having girl’s night in when suddenly a massive text is sent out to all of your friends that says something like, “What are you up to tonight, we should hang out sometime?” Clearly he’s not interested in you if he’ll try and get any girl to hang out with him. This has player written all over it, and hopefully none of you will text back.

4. He “misses you” after months of no communication. -So, you hook up with him once or twice then never hear from him again. You’re devastated, right? Until one day Mr. Romance calls you saying he’s missed you and wants to get together. What do you think he’s missing? If it took him that long, it can’t be that he misses your bubbly personality or dazzling wits, but rather he’s lonely and has made his rounds through his phone and it’s your turn again.

5. You never meet his friends or family. -You’re most likely just a hookup if you’ve never taken that “next step” and been introduced to his family. Of course you haven’t, if you’re only going over there in the middle of the night. And if you never hear about his friends, don’t worry because I’m sure his friends have heard plenty about you. If he’s never introduced you to them and if you’ve never hung out, clearly he’s not proud of who you are with him but what you DO with him.