Note: The French Fry is an excerise in satire. The following articles and images are of a humorous nature and do not reflect actual events on campus or thoughts, beliefs and actions of the individuals mentioned. Any resemblence of any persons dead of living is just because we are awesome and we think you're awesome, too. Advertisers of pages other than 3,4,5 or 6 are in no way associated with The French Fry.

Justin Bieber says he plans on entering NBA Draft.

Earlier this week was the notorious “Roast of Justin Bieber” on Comedy Central.  Bieber turned 21 in early March. Yes, you read that right, despite looking like he’s finally able to take his driver’s test, he is now able to legally drink alcohol and gamble. Although maybe he should go back and retake his driver’s test because whoever taught him how to drive the first time obviously failed to mention not to drive drunk, crash into other vehicles, run stop signs or drive at the speed of 100mph through residential neighborhoods. 

But I’ll quit nit-picking at Bieber’s minor driving flaws and get back to my point. For his birthday, he decided to give the best present of all time and agreed to a roast, giving America all they’ve ever wanted, with two hours straight bashing the young star. Bieber had no idea what he was in for, as the brutal panel of roasters brought him to tears six different times on the show. Why would one of the most hated celebrities alive agree to get roasted in front of a national audience? Well, Bieber had his reasons. He used the roast to set the stage for the biggest announcement of his life. 

Let me stop right here: shame on anyone out there who thought this announcement was Bieber coming out of the closet and admitting he’s gay. He has more girlfriends than good song releases…which actually might not be saying much. 

Anyway, at the end of the roast, Bieber actually announced that he has put his name into the 2015 NBA Draft and has every intention of being the next NBA superstar. That’s right, all 5’9, 145 lbs. of him says at this time next year he will be leading the NBA MVP race after pushing aside those washed up scrubs like Steph Curry, James Harden, and LeBron James. His confidence stems from the 2011 NBA All-Star game where he had 8 points, went an impressive 3-11 from the field, had four assists and two rebounds. 

When asked at the end of the game by reporters if he thinks his popularity had any impact on the fan vote which crowned him MVP, he modestly answered: “Absolutely not! I won because I earned it and was by far the best player out there. I could’ve dropped 40 if my teammates had a clue and passed me the rock more. But it’s whatever, I’m a straight up baller.”  

As you can imagine, this has been quite a controversial decision and has created a lot fuss. NBA players, coaches and fans say it is a disgrace to the game and 29 of the 30 teams have zero interest in him whatsoever. The New York Knicks are the only team showing interest. They say it’s because they want him to sell tickets, but after looking at their roster, he might have a shot at getting some solid minutes.

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver shared his thoughts yesterday, “After looking through his criminal records and past shenanigans, I think the NFL might be more up his alley.” Silver suggested. When confronted about this bold move, Bieber said, “If Shaq can make music, then I can play basketball.” 

Kind of a head scratching response but take it as you may. Bieber is aware of all his critics and can’t wait to prove everyone wrong. His final response: “And there’s just no turning back, when your hearts under attack, gonna give everything I have, It’s my destiny. I will never say never, I will fight till forever!”