The French Fry is completely satire. Any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. The statements in the French Fry do not reflect the views of the Northern Iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisements outside of this insert.
As the Northern Iowan has previously reported, the SAE house is being sold by the fraternity for $1.3 million dollars. Recently, the seasonal halloween company, Spirit Halloween, announced its acquisition of the building.
The house resides just across the street from campus, and half a block from College Hill. The university anticipates an economic boom for the campus and the city of Cedar Falls.
“This means a lot for this university,” Nark Mook said in a statement. “Students will be able to access halloween from right across the street, instead of from 12 miles away in College Square Mall.”
One of the largest problems the university may face with a seasonal store acquiring the house is the emptiness outside of the fall season.
“We’ve considered that,” Mook said. “And I don’t really care. I’d rather it sit empty for more than half the year than make the rash decision to sell it to a church.”
Mook is referencing the offer made by a local church this past week after touring the house.
“I couldn’t believe they still wanted it after seeing and smelling the inside,” an anonymous SAE member told the Northern Iowan. “There’s just no way to get the frat out of that place. They’d have to do an exorcism on it to even consider holding mass there. Not even Jesus could accept some of the things that have happened in that basement.”
In an agreement with the university, SAE reportedly turned the church’s offer down out of respect for the religion.
University freshmen expressed excitement about the recent acquisition. “They did this for us,” said freshman business major Kaleb Smith. “Last halloween I swiped my parent’s credit card at least 30 times at Spirit Halloween.” Smith told the Northern Iowan he ended up going to three different halloween parties, all dressed as Elvis, stating, “It was lit.”
Freshman communications major Elle Jones finds the acquisition fitting. “I think that SAE’s of times past would be happy knowing that their former house is now essentially a lingerie shop.” Freshman public health major Kylie Koops had a different opinion. “I mean, it’s just more corporate greed being pumped out,” she shrugged. “But what can you expect?”
The Spirit Halloween is set to open this upcoming fall, a sharp turnaround after their recent purchase. The final leases will be up in May, and Spirit Halloween will move in quickly after. Their target opening date is Oct. 1, 2024.
