The French Fry is completely satire. Any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. The statements in the French Fry do not reflect the views of the Northern Iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisements outside of this insert. 

Howdy everyone! It’s me, your humble and benevolent Wine Aunt, Ginger Ale. On this fine April day, it is my pleasure to bring you the news that I’m sure will change your life.

First off, we’ve got the Scholastic Book Fair coming to UNI! Remember when you were a kid and instead of buying books, you’d buy those erasers that were shaped like laptops? Or anything other than books? Yeah, me too. Here’s a chance to relive those moments of childhood bliss. Check out the latest I Survived book, I Survived the 2024 Men’s Basketball Transfer Portal. Limited copies are available!

Coming to a Hy-Vee near you, the Purple Kettle Campaign will be taking place Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. The campaign aims to raise money for Panther Athletics.

Next in our lineup of breaking news, Suds Upstairs has been bought out by none other than Amazon. Due to this development, freshmen at UNI will be able to receive their Amazon packages even sooner with access to the hill. However, seniors at UNI are in shambles at this revelation.

And last but certainly not least, I leave you with the Panther Preview for this week. Yes, I know it’s already Wednesday. Cry about it.

That’s all I have for you my dearest readers!

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Okay if you’re still reading this, please do the crossword and sudoku. I work so very hard to pick them out for you and I weep tears of joy when I see people filling them out.

Peace and love,

-Ginger Ale