Dear Daisy,

I have come to a dilemma, especially with the holidays coming up.  I am the only child of parents who have been divorced for 13 years. I have always gotten along with both of them for the most part, but I am closest with my mom.

You see, I feel I have an obligation to spend time with both my parents, but I would rather spend my time at home with my mom. I know I need to spend time with my dad, but when I do, I know my mom feels left alone. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Divided

Divided,

Thank you for your great submission! I imagine you are not the only one facing this predicament with the Holiday season right around the corner.

To begin with, I would like to be upfront in informing you that I personally do not have divorced parents. I do, on the other hand have many close friends who come from separated families, and consulted them before writing.

It seems this issue of whom to spend the Holidays with is simply a matter of human relationships. And relationships of any kind all come down to give and take, with the best relationships being those with the most equitable balance between the two. It is important to search for that balance in every relationship.

But how do we know what is the right amount to give and take? Looking at our personal relationships as if they were financial ones is one sensible way to discern how our time should be spent. Envision my fictional farm, Daisy’s Dairy.

Let us say that Sandra invests $100,000 dollars in Daisy’s Dairy, and Cody invests $25,000. When it comes time to pay dividends, isn’t it only right that Sandra receives four times the return Cody does? This same concept is applicable regarding our personal relationships as well. Imagine yourself the company and the individuals you interact with the shareholders who invest in you.

People invest in each other in a number of ways, time, energy, resources, etc… In this instance your two biggest investors are your mother and father (and I am referencing much more than just their monetary contributions). Both of your parents invest time and energy into you to help you grow as a person.

As your investors, your parents deserve a return on their investment, with each return being relative to the size of their input.

I encourage you to distribute your time over break in relation to how you feel each parent has invested time into you. Perhaps if one of your parents feels that they did not get to spend as much time with you as they had hoped, he or she will make an effort to invest more into the relationship in which you share.

Happy Investing and Have a Great Thanksgiving,

-Daisy