This article is completely satire, any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. The statements in the french fry do not reflect the views of the Northern Iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisers outside of this insert.

In recent days, a shocking revelation has come over the UNI football program. After an up-and-down, 6-6 season a year ago, the Panthers are looking for any edge they can get heading into the 2022 season. The Panthers may have just found that edge in the form of Kurt Warner.

Most at UNI are very familiar with Warner. After three years on the bottom of the quarterback depth chart, Warner finally got the chance to start his senior season in 1993. Warner played very well, passing for nearly 3,000 yards and 17 touchdowns to lead UNI to an 8-4 record. He then went on to play for the Iowa Barnstormers of the Arena Football League, stocked shelves at the local Hy-Vee for a short while, before finally getting a chance with the NFL’s St. Louis Rams, leading them to a championship in Super Bowl XXXIV. Warner also won the MVP twice, was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and had a feature film, American Underdog, released this past December. While you may have known all of that, did you know that Warner still has college eligibility?

It was brought to head coach Fark Marley’s attention by a team manager this past week that there was a miscommunication regarding Warner’s redshirt status during his freshman season in 1990. While the coaching staff and Warner himself did not think he was redshirted, paperwork was filed indicating that he was, meaning he never lost that year of eligibility. Because Warner played professionally in the NFL, the NCAA had to make an exception to let him play at UNI next year.

“With the implementation of NIL (Name, Image and Likeness), we felt that it was acceptable to allow Kurt Warner to use his final year of eligibility,” said an NCAA representative, speaking under the promise of anonymity. “Besides, we couldn’t bring it upon ourselves to crush such an exciting story.”

Warner, who is now 50 and hasn’t played competitively since 2009, is very excited to get back in the groove of football. “What an unbelievable opportunity. I thought my playing days were over,” said Warner. “I have no doubt that I’ll be able to get back into game shape. I can’t wait to lead UNI to a great season.”

“Today is a great day for UNI football,” said Farley when announcing Warner’s return. “Possibly the most exciting news I’ve ever received is that Kurt Warner will be suiting up in the purple and gold once again.”

There are still many questions to be answered, such as how Warner will respond to the college game after over a decade away from football, as well as how this will affect the morale of other UNI quarterbacks, but for now, those in Cedar Falls can’t wait to give a heroes welcome to the hometown hero.