The French Fry is completely satire. Any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. The statements in the French Fry do not reflect the views of the Northern Iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisements outside of this insert. 

The UNI track and field team will attempt to become the first NCAA school in the country to test the ‘Air Bud’ legal theory that has been found as a loophole in the collegiate handbook. Nowhere in the handbook does it say that the runner for the team has to be human. That is why the track team has recruited Rex Goodboy, a 3-year-old golden retriever from the Cedar Valley.

Goodboy is known as one of the premiere runners in the Cedar Falls area, being primarily a hunting dog until his recruiting by the college. “We’ve had many dogs,” said Goodboy’s owner Amanda, “but we have never had a dog like Rex. He is fast, loyal and an all around team leader.” Goodboy is 21 years old in dog years, making him eligible for college and being on the track team. 

Goodboy will become the first ever dog to run the 100-meter dash this upcoming spring. “He’s one of the best runners we’ve had in a long time,” said Director of the UNI track and field team, David Paulsen. “He runs like an absolute animal, which makes a lot of sense if you really think about it.” One of the main reasons that Goodboy runs so fast is his dedication to the finish line. The assistant coaches sprinkle treats on his lane at the end of his race to give him a reward for running as fast as he can. 

The loophole in the NCAA handbook gets its namesake from the award-winning children’s movie Air Bud, in which a dog plays multiple sports including basketball, football and soccer. The movie was so influential that it inspired a best-selling spin-off film series entitled Air Buddies which chronicles the life of the puppies of the titular hero. But unlike Air Bud, Goodboy will look to make history in real life. The dog will become the first four-legged animal to run in a collegiate race. 

“We pride ourselves on being a part of such monumental history,” Paulsen said. “Goodboy is beyond capable of taking our school to the next level and I can’t wait to see him thrive. Right now we have him in the 100-meter dash but we are looking to have him in the long jump, hurdles and maybe even discuss if he is up for the challenge.”

“We can’t believe that they have chosen Rex to be a part of history,” said Amanda Goodboy. “He has been a member of our family for so long and it’s just amazing to see him grow into the dog that we always knew he could be.”

“WOOF WOOF WOOF GRRRR WOOF RUFF RUFF WOOF GRRRR RUFFF!” said Rex Goodboy when asked about his upcoming race. He had a look of determination on his face that was quickly interrupted when he saw a squirrel. 

Goodboy is one of the top athletes in regards to the recent NIL deal. He is currently sponsored by PetSmart, Petco, Fetch.com, Raising Canes and Nike. He uses his brand to raise awareness for animal athletes all around the world that don’t have the platform to share their opinions. 

When not preparing for his upcoming race, Goodboy is enrolled in UNI majoring in Athletic Training. We are told that he wants to develop the athletes of tomorrow into becoming history makers just like him. He is one of the top students in his class and currently has a 4.0 grade point average, showing what it means to be the definition of a student athlete. Goodboy will continue to be a trailblazer for the animal community as he continues in his record-breaking ways.